More enemy soldiers than you could shake a kirpan at.

I can't sleep. Sleeping has always been an issue for me... I've had terrible insomnia since I was young, and the fatigue that would follow me around the next day was generally a huge impediment on my favorite activities, like parkour, and... parkour. I mean, there has been some definite improvement over the past year (with the help of sleeping pills), but I'd still really like some kind of button or switch to shut down my brain at night. 

Tonight, I can't sleep, and I'm very annoyed by this   -_-   (do any of you ever put smilies in your blogs, by the way? Cause now that I think of it, I'm not sure any of you do, and that seems odd to me. Are smilies just not classy? Are blogs supposed to be classy?? Gee wizzickers!) ..AHEM.. I have to be well-rested tomorrow in order to perform double front-flips off the diving board to impress Lyndsay, so this sucks. 

I've even tried my favorite mind-trick already, but it failed. You see, when I can't get to sleep, I often consider texting everyone I know to wake them up out of sheer spite. (I have no sympathy for people who leave their phones on at night and then complain about getting texted. If you didn't wanna chit-chat, why have your phone on?) But that doesn't help me sleep. What USUALLY happens is I reject this desire to wake people up, and in doing so I feel so benevolent that I can sleep peacefully. Unfortunately these charitably kind thoughts of mine are not helping me sleep tonight, so I find myself at an impasse. Maybe I was just born to be nocturnal. That seems logical to me. My mom is pretty vampiric, too, but that's out of choice. She is awake right now watching TV. I found a good adjective for her a long time ago on Word-of-the-Day: Lucifugous ("avoiding light"). 

I think I understand the whole smiley thing now. I guess I like to use them because they're something to fall back on. It's a nice little shortcut, far more easy to use a facial expression than to explain things in more detail. 

Euuuuugggggghhhh I think I've wasted enough time. I shouldn't have written a blog, it just made me divagate from my goal. I suppose I must try once more to plunge myself from that gunky restless mind-fog into a more solid sleep. 

Hi-Yo, Silver! Away!

The opposite of how I feel:

<(-'.'-< )    <( -'.'- )>   ( >-'.'-)>

Those long, long nights where sleep just won't take you.
Where you're forced to just, think.
And time falls right to pieces.

The truth was in front of our eyes.

My mum can read me like a book. Time after time, she picks up on those strange little signals that usually go unnoticed by the rest of the world, and I love her for it. I don't even have to say a word, but she knows. I think we cheer each other up a whole bunch. I guess I'm a momma's boy at heart. 

Last night I stayed up til around 5, and maybe in May or June you'll know why. 

Depending on how I feel. 


Sometimes my dad still calls me B2. Short for Banana 2... from Bananas in Pajamas.

Did i mention he yells at his sports teams on the TV? Well he does. Strange man.
I know what you're thinking: How did you turn out so normal, Ryan?


Hitmen game tomorrow with the bros. 
Makes me wish I was just a little more interested in watching sports.
But I'll still have fun, I'm sure. 


It all took me so long today. I'm not the fastest reader.
I took lots of breaks, too. Maybe for reflection, 
or maybe cause I just couldn't handle it all at once. 


Either way, it was well worth it,
just to remember. 
Those days were less sheltered
but somehow so much more 
secure.




My mind is in a state of extreme dishevelment.
I have my doubts, is the future still set in stone?
Wake up, stonemasons! Wake up!
You're neglecting your duties!

Sifting through those ancient photos, the memories, feelings
.
defunct, uneaten, 
But there, and 
unconquerable.
the schmaltz and mush.

Soon enough those little glass arrows I've been ignoring will get past my defenses. Until now they've just picked away at the layers, but they'll eventually puncture that diaphanous membrane of mine, I know it.

Who's to say what'll happen once they're in? They could all bounce off. That would be nice. But I don't doubt their ability to splinter, pierce, and cause grievous bodily harm.

I shouldn't sell myself short either. I can be strong, I think.

I just don't know whether or not I should even try to brace myself for when my mind starts doing backflips.