Those long, long nights where sleep just won't take you.
Where you're forced to just, think.
And time falls right to pieces.

The truth was in front of our eyes.

My mum can read me like a book. Time after time, she picks up on those strange little signals that usually go unnoticed by the rest of the world, and I love her for it. I don't even have to say a word, but she knows. I think we cheer each other up a whole bunch. I guess I'm a momma's boy at heart. 

Last night I stayed up til around 5, and maybe in May or June you'll know why. 

Depending on how I feel. 


Sometimes my dad still calls me B2. Short for Banana 2... from Bananas in Pajamas.

Did i mention he yells at his sports teams on the TV? Well he does. Strange man.
I know what you're thinking: How did you turn out so normal, Ryan?


Hitmen game tomorrow with the bros. 
Makes me wish I was just a little more interested in watching sports.
But I'll still have fun, I'm sure. 


It all took me so long today. I'm not the fastest reader.
I took lots of breaks, too. Maybe for reflection, 
or maybe cause I just couldn't handle it all at once. 


Either way, it was well worth it,
just to remember. 
Those days were less sheltered
but somehow so much more 
secure.




My mind is in a state of extreme dishevelment.
I have my doubts, is the future still set in stone?
Wake up, stonemasons! Wake up!
You're neglecting your duties!

Sifting through those ancient photos, the memories, feelings
.
defunct, uneaten, 
But there, and 
unconquerable.
the schmaltz and mush.

Soon enough those little glass arrows I've been ignoring will get past my defenses. Until now they've just picked away at the layers, but they'll eventually puncture that diaphanous membrane of mine, I know it.

Who's to say what'll happen once they're in? They could all bounce off. That would be nice. But I don't doubt their ability to splinter, pierce, and cause grievous bodily harm.

I shouldn't sell myself short either. I can be strong, I think.

I just don't know whether or not I should even try to brace myself for when my mind starts doing backflips.